Different is Beautiful
The day you stop caring what other people think is the day your life begins… Aaron Erckhart
This is a big one for me - being different. There is this analogy my mum always uses whenever I have a conversation with her about the progress of things, timing and the seasons of life - “You see how the fingers on the hand are all not equal neither are we all and our destinies” - she’ll say. Before I understood this I never really wanted to agree as to what she meant because to be honest when contemplating such things the last thing you need is an analogy of everybody and their timeline. However, upon numerous conversations and reflection it made so much sense and this has been one of the philosophies that has kept me going in uncertain times when the fact of being different was so prevalent.
I work as a Self-worth coach because I too have had the unfortunate privilege of undervaluing myself and my worth before because I thought being different meant there was something wrong with me. I do not blame anyone today for how I felt then that was me giving my power to others and not even do I blame myself because at that time I didn’t know better and I was doing what I knew best to do. Being born and growing up in two very different cultures does have its pros and cons and without a really strong foundation of identity it becomes a challenge to navigate who you truly are and want to be. It took me years to come to terms and embrace my differences such as my heritage, thick afro hair, my accent, my academic degrees and femininity - yes that too.
Growing up I was exposed to certain ideals of how I should and could be through media and society all the while neglecting the very essence of who I truly was and I am. Schools expected me to study certain subjects and behave in certain ways, society expected me to follow a certain pattern as a woman but thankfully the people who mean the most to me especially my mum never expected me to follow any of these rigid rules to conform. When the timing is right it will all fall into place until then keep working on your dreams she keeps telling me. With such encouragement and support I have relearned traditions and truths that serve me and my personality.
By not caring too much about what people think, I am able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular, and I succeed… Albert Ellis
I have grown to love who I am as a person, a sister, a friend, a daughter and a coach. I have come to learn that being different in my looks, my thinking, my perspectives and in my natural quirkiness is being authentically me. I learnt to appreciate that what makes me different is also what makes me unique and invaluable. I learnt to see obstacles and challenges as lesson not punishment or discrimination because being different is beautiful only if you will see past the societal ideals and constructs; and really acknowledge that who you are today is not by accident because we all have some quirky thing that makes us different but this also makes us incredibly beautiful.
So when I drum on about knowing and appreciating our worth it is genuinely from a place of love and empowerment. We find ourselves in a society of comparison, which we explored in last week’s newsletter that being and doing the same as everyone to belong, craving validation from external sources and conformity only dims our light and true potential of what we are capable of. Yes, we do get people expressing their insecurities when we dare step out of the norm to be different and truly us,
“… but you can’t do coaching and baking at the same time, these are in two different industries.” they said or “You can’t have braids and look corporate.” These comments at certain times got me to shrink, to conform and to accept, but when that tug at my heart to unapologetically step out and accept the me that I am created to be was too strong I couldn’t help it. I found my way, worked through being the timid and obedient girl to writing my own guidelines for my life’s script. I am living the life of that Self-worth coach and baker that I have always dreamed of. Oh don’t get me wrong in some situations we will have to conform especially in corporate and social gatherings but even there it is ok to be different.
However, now I coach and bake because there is a purpose to why I am endowed with these two gifts, I wear my afro and braids in elegant fashion to work and I have never been this empowered or felt more beautiful and loved especially by myself. The world and life are still going on as expected and it is a much better place to be in because there is one less person living an unfulfilled life. Exactly because I dare to be me now, I dare to be different and dare not to hide the person I am anymore.
Being different, whatever yours is, is beautiful, for out of 7 billion people you and I have this thing that makes us different and until we come to realise this as our super power we can’t live a full life because our “different” is needed to complete life’s big puzzle and make it beautiful. Are you ready to accept who you truly are exactly as you are? I’d love to know your take on this so do share in the comments.
Journal Prompt: What is it about me that stops me from truly expressing myself?