Giving myself a dose of self-compassion

Changing the way I look at things

1-2-3-4 breathe in - hold - 1-2-3-4- breath out - hold. I did this cycle for 5 rounds while lying on my back with one hand on my belly and the other on my chest. I had to take a break and practice this a couple of times this week.

Why haven’t I finished this book yet, why aren’t I done with that crocheting project yet and why haven’t I achieved this writer status that I have been working so hard for yet? Why this and why that - this past week I caught myself in the vicious cycle of beating myself again about things I hadn’t accomplished or been able to finish. We are in the 2nd month of the year and I haven’t even completed the first book on my annual book list. This was getting to me.

Where it started

I used to do this a lot a couple of years ago, I call it the self-comparison trap and in any other world this would be the best comparison concept because I am comparing myself with my own self, however, it isn’t. Maybe you might have heard so many times that comparing yourself to others isn’t good and that if ever you were to compare yourself to anyone it should be only to your own self, so that you become better today than you were yesterday.

I have lived by this motto for the longest time especially when I was younger and single. A lot of the things were easier to achieve at this stage in my life because I had to make plans for myself only or rework appointments around just my schedule. Now there are other people, other things and other priorities at play and that is why I had to stop myself in my tracks of my why this and why that - rollercoaster of thoughts.

When you get more than you asked for

Here is a little background to my self-comparison turmoil, see I have been single for a good while and whilst others would say I was too picky I’d say I was being intentional because I’d been burnt too many times. So, following my mentor’s advice, I made a list of the qualities I wanted in my partner and husband.

I intentionally didn't put a lot of physical attributes but he had to be taller than me, fit and interested in fitness and health. Well, he is all of these and more; and very sociable as I am as well. So, we do have quite a lot of socialising throughout the week and the month which I believe has taken priority for us at the moment.

This is more than I asked for in my description of my ideal partner, so trust me, I am not complaining - not in the least. I just didn’t think that our union would set me back a bit on my goals but I guess that is my own problem and that is why I needed to remind myself to be compassionate to myself.

My self-compassion remedy for my self-comparison trap

After my box breathing, I laid down on my back hands on my belly rubbing back and forth, giving myself a pep talk. I reminded myself of how important it was to focus on nurturing my relationship and stressing less about things and the speed with which they got done or accomplished. I reminded myself of the progress just the last year had brought and where in life I was now. I took in some more deep calming breaths and picked up my journal.

Gratitude for where I am now

On the next page of my gratitude journal, I started writing the things I am grateful for about myself and currently in my life. I was aiming to write down 10 things, which is what I normally do but I was on a row so I kept going and after a good 10 minutes, I stopped and looked at my list. Wow, I thought to myself - so much to be grateful for.

I put my journal away opened up my meditation app found a short 5-minute gratitude meditation from a favourite teacher. This one in particular was very suitable, the prompts asked to remember an event or person in past to be grateful for, then a person or event in the present to be grateful for and an event in the future to be grateful for. I already had my people and events so this was a lovely end to the journaling.

These practices have been over the course of the week. Today as I sit to write this newsletter I am in a much better place, not feeling the pressure of the why this and why that. I was also reminded of the words of Dr Wayne Dyer - when you change the way you look at things the things you are looking at change. My body called on me to give it some compassion, and my mind called on me to see things from a different angle, listening to these, has helped me see what I wasn’t seeing and appreciate what and where I currently am in life.

As we start a new week can I encourage you to think about this saying - when you change the way you look at things the things you are looking at change? It might not be the biggest change but a change in perspective might help you notice and/or appreciate something in a different way.

Have a great week ahead and thank you for reading.

Love & light

Sheila Daisy