Is Quality Time Your Love Language?
Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters
Being an extrovert I love hosting, having people around and being in social settings most of the time so initially, when I realised that my enjoyment of being in social settings wasn’t just about quantity but quality. Then knowledge of the love languages gave me a better understanding, why even as an extrovert I’d much rather spend time with one person on a deeper level than amidst many on a shallow level. My other dominant love language is Quality Time as you can tell. In last week’s newsletter we explored Words of Affirmation as the first of the 5 love languages and how we can incorporate knowing our own love language in our own self care routines. This week we will look at Quality Time.
Quality Time
In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself - Laurence Sterne
Do you find yourself craving deeper connection when with people you enjoy spending time with or even would rather be by yourself doing something you enjoy alone than be in company that drains or doesn’t add value to you? Quality Time might be your love language. You are selfless with your time and attention when you are with people you enjoy being with but you are also not shy to turn down an appointment with many to be with just one. For you, having and giving undivided attention is a vital part of your communication and the way you show and want to receive love. So if this is your love language then filling your love tank could maybe include:
Setting aside time for mindfulness practices and reflection. There are so many ways to use your time alone and mindfully you can meditate, journal, go for a walk or a long drive. I for one love to bake and write so coming up with new recipes or journaling either for personal reflection or on my projects are some of the ways I love to spend quality time with myself.
Spend time in nature. I discovered my love for nature and it’s “healing” power at quite a latter stage in my life maybe just because I am now able to appreciate it more, so a long walk in the woods or in a park is one of my favourite weekly getaways. A time when I can think of everything and nothing at the same time. The alone time to listen to the birds chirping if there are any, see the little shoots of different plants emerging or even smell and feel the soil after the rain. A time I get to put on my headphones, layer up and get out of my everyday environment into the outdoors to recharge is one I truly appreciate
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Making sure you get enough sleep and movement. Another great way to spend quality time with yourself is creating a sleep and exercise routine you look forward to. By this you can have your own “ritual” before bed - put out gym clothes, have a nice cup of herbal tea to unwind, a good book, ambient meditative music or whatever you enjoy to have or will like to do for someone. Create this for you so you actually look forward to the few minutes or hour before bed. On most evenings I will have a cup of chamomile tea, do my gratituding and read a few pages of whichever book I am reading at the time, and if I am not reading anything in particular I will just do my gratutuding and call it a night. This little ritual makes me look forward to this part of my evening knowing that this time is my time
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Schedule in time for creative activities. Life does get busy and if we don’t take care we end up not giving much attention to ourselves as we should. So another good way I have found to spend quality time with myself is to schedule the activities in my calendar. Yes make appointments with myself so I actually have the time to indulge in the creative things I love. I know that Saturday late afternoons I do some baking and Sunday afternoons I do my writing. Having these in my schedule means that no other appointments are made these times unless I have decided not to do these activities but I do my best to keep these appointments like I would do keep those I had with someone else
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Take yourself out - on a date or just sightseeing. Do you find this strange or hard to do by yourself? It gets easier as you keep on doing things by yourself that society normally deems as done in pairs or groups. This is also one of the best ways to actually improve your self confidence. We are social beings and thrive best in groups but this is also one of our biggest hinderances to living authentic and fulfilled lives where we seek to belong and be secure rather than dare to stand alone and be unique. The ability to take yourself out either to the restaurant, cafe, cinema, art/music gallery, theatre, bowling or once again anything you fancy, alone does not only show your independence but your ability to be alone without being lonely. If Quality Time is your love language then finding ways and being bold to immerse yourself in these activities alone will really benefit you as you get to study and know yourself differently and better. As a result all these help you communicate your needs better to your relations and bearing in mind that these examples here are not exhaustive but a starting point if you want ideas as to how you can incorporate these in your self care routine.
Also one other fun way I have implemented keeping my word to me when it comes to spending quality time with myself is setting a challenge for myself where I pencil in a fun activity for myself every weekend and I have been recently doing this for the last 6 weeks and it’s been so fun and rewarding as well. I would love to share this challenge with you so if you resonate with wanting to spend time alone leave a comment and I will share this with you. Lastly, be rest assured that giving yourself some quality time alone - even if this isn’t your love language - is one of the best ways to take care of yourself.