Nurturing You: A Guide to Practicing Self-Love and Self-Compassion
Understanding Self-Love and Self-Compassion
In the busyness of things we often forget how important it is to be kind to and take some time for ourselves, it's very easy to forget to pause, take a deep breath, and reflect on the importance of self-love and self-compassion. These two concepts, although closely related, hold distinct significance that are worth exploring.
Self-Love on the one hand is the act of genuinely caring for and valuing oneself. It involves accepting our strengths and imperfections, treating ourselves with kindness, and recognising our intrinsic worth.
Self-Compassion, on the other hand, is an extension of self-love. It's about being gentle with ourselves, particularly during challenging times. It's understanding that it's okay to make mistakes, to feel hurt, and to need support. It’s the extending of grace and understanding that we are still loveable even if we make mistakes and are flawed.
In this week’s newsletter we will take a journey of self-discovery, offering insight into why embracing self-love and self-compassion is crucial for our holistic well-being.
The Difference between Self-Love and Self-Compassion
You might have heard this before that the only person we will ever have the longest relationship with is ourselves and so to make this relationship a fruitful and fulfilling one there are three core pillars with the self that we need in order to establish the core of who we are. The pillars are Self-worth, Self-love and self-compassion and last week we discussed Self-worth so we move on to Self-love and Self-compassion here. Self-love and Self-compassion, though intertwined, possess unique characteristics. They are like two pillars supporting the temple of self-worth and emotional resilience. Self-love serves as the foundation, allowing us to appreciate our qualities and worth, while self-compassion acts as the nurturing embrace that soothes and reassures during moments of pain or uncertainty. In energetic terms I see these two concepts as cultivating feminine and masculine energies within ourselves and this is what I mean, whereas self love involves more of our emotional relationship to ourselves as in mentally accepting all there is and we are, self-compassion involves more of the actionable aspects as in how we treat ourselves, act towards ourselves and even speak to ourselves.
It's essential to recognise that these practices complement one another, working in harmony to cultivate a healthy relationship with ourselves. Self-love empowers us to celebrate our strengths, while self-compassion offers solace when we face life's challenges. Together, they create a balanced, nurturing environment for personal growth and wellbeing. When I started my journey of relearning to love myself again I searched and searched the internet to find what to do and how I can learn to love myself there were a lot of things suggested and resources all looking at the external aspect like treat yourself to a spa trip, cook something nice for yourself, buy something for etc but all these were just addressing the external and what I perceive as showing myself compassion. I needed to work on the inner and this is where I became friends with my journal and paying attention to my self talk. Here are some of the things I worked on through my journey.
Cultivating Self-Love
Embracing my imperfections
Admitting I was imperfect freed me to be and accept myself. It freed me from the thought of not measuring up to being imperfectly perfect. I begun to appreciate and understand that what made me imperfect was “perfect” in God’s view of me and my place in life’ big puzzle. Suddenly my kinky hair, fuller hips and accent weren’t as bad as I previously thought. They made me me and very unique the moment I started seeing them as my strengths I started getting different compliments on them. It made me realise that embracing our imperfections is a significant step toward self-love. Imperfections are not flaws; they are unique traits that make us who we are. Acknowledging and appreciating our imperfections is an act of self-acceptance and personal growth and by understanding that it's okay not to be perfect, we free ourselves from the weight of unrealistic expectations and judgment.
When we reframe our imperfections positively we begin to view them as opportunities for learning and growth and each so-called flaw is a brushstroke on the canvas of our lives, contributing to the beautiful masterpiece that is uniquely us.
Create your own Self-Care Rituals
In my online search I found a lot of the same things being suggested by almost all sources but I thought what if going to the spa is not something I enjoy and I’d much rather go rock climbing. Then this should be your way of filling your self love cup. Self-love thrives in an environment of self-care. It's about nourishing our mind, body, and soul. Self-care rituals can be as simple or elaborate as we desire. They are acts of love that replenish our spirit, rejuvenate our energy, and remind us of our worth. Consider establishing a self-care routine that suits your preferences. This could include morning rituals, such as meditation or gentle stretches, daily journaling to express gratitude and affirm your self-worth, or simply savouring a cup of your favourite tea while you immerse yourself in a good book. These rituals not only offer moments of serenity but also have a lasting impact on your overall mental health. One of my rituals since I love to bake is baking me a really nice piece of cake, then making a lovely cup or herbal tea and cozying up on the couch with my kindle, piece of cake and cup of tea for a me-day afternoon.
Adopting an attitude of gratitude and positive affirmations
Over the yers I’ve gone through a lot of journals which I used for gratituding and this practice here is something that I can’t live without even though sometimes it’s hard to find things to be grateful for in a situation I still go back to the very basics of my being alive. Gratitude is a powerful practice that contributes to a more positive self-perception. It's a lens through which we can view the world and ourselves with appreciation. By acknowledging the blessings in our lives, we shift our focus from what's lacking to what's abundant.
In addition to gratituding, positive affirmations was one other ritual I leaned on very much. Being a Christian and a fan of Louise Hay I compiled some biblical verses and affirmations from Louise Hay to help me reconnect to my trues self flaws and all positive affirmations were and are my daily companions in the journey of self-love. These uplifting statements that I repeated and repeat to myself slowly become my belief. The great thing about positive affirmations are they serve as reminders of our worth, our capabilities, and our right to happiness. Regularly incorporating gratitude and positive affirmations into our life can profoundly transform our self-perception.
Strategies for Practicing Self-Compassion
Overcoming Self-Criticism
Self-criticism is an inner voice that many of us battle daily. It's the habit of being hard on ourselves when we make mistakes or face challenges. Identifying self-critical thoughts and behaviours is the first step toward self-compassion.
To practice self-compassion, you can employ techniques that challenge negative self-talk. When we find ourselves berating our own actions or decisions, pause and ask, "Would I say the same things to a dear friend in this situation?" Often, the answer is no. So we need to treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would offer a friend in need. As mentioned earlier Self compassion is the expressive aspect of self love and a practice like positive affirmations falls very well under this.
Mindfulness and Acceptance
Incorporating mindfulness practices into our daily routine is an effective strategy for cultivating self-compassion. Mindfulness is the art of staying present, fully aware of our thoughts, feelings, and sensations without judgment. By becoming more mindful, we allow ourselves to acknowledge and accept our emotions and experiences without harsh self-criticism. Self-compassion means understanding that it's okay to experience pain, sadness, or discomfort. It's a recognition that these emotions are a natural part of life. Instead of suppressing or denying them, we gently embrace them as we would an injured friend, offering solace and understanding.
Setting Boundaries and Prioritising Well-Being
Boundaries was one of my first breakthroughs on this journey. Saying No was hard and it took practice but I had to master it and teach myself and others that NO is a complete sentence and answer that didn’t need explanation. Establishing healthy boundaries is a vital act of self-compassion. Boundaries are the lines that protect our mental and emotional well-being. They define what is acceptable and what isn't in our interactions with others.
Self-compassion allows us to understand that it's perfectly acceptable to prioritise our well-being. It's about saying no when needed, conserving our energy, and respecting our personal needs. When we set boundaries and prioritise our self-care, we send a powerful message to ourself that we are deserving of love and consideration.
So, in the journey to self-love and self-compassion, it's vital to recognise the uniqueness and interconnectedness of these practices. Whilst Self-love empowers us to respect our values and embrace our worth, self-compassion offers solace during life's challenges, which together, work harmoniously for our wellbeing.
Journal prompt: What am I currently going through and how can I show myself some grace and compassion?