Self-Care 101: Holding Space for Yourself and Others
Prioritising your self isn’t selfish
The concept of creating space had never been a priority for me for a long time not until a couple of years ago, just before covid and especially after that I started practicing this. It felt strange and selfish when I had to tell friends and loved ones I wasn’t in the mood for company or just needed some solitude.
Is there something wrong?
Are you ok?
I was asked and my answer was always,
“No there is nothing wrong and yes I am ok.”
But these answers were not entirely true because though I was physically ok, my emotional and mental capacities were running low and I was spreading myself thin to make others feel ok and show that everything was ok.
Filling My Cup
I made myself a priority for once. Putting my emotional and general well-being first. So when I started appreciating and taking better care of myself I realised if I could be of any value to anybody then I needed to create that space for my rest and recharge. Resting was a big challenge and sometimes still is as I think I always have to do and have things to complete. However, on the days I have listened to my body and taken the rest I come back to whichever project more focused and energetic.
Realising this, all came down to setting that clear and healthy boundary for me and with others. I had to shed the guilt and put my well-being first so with much practice I started letting go of things that didn’t serve me, embraced saying NO more often and made a pact with myself to accept that I could control my reactions only so how anybody else reacts to my boundaries is in their control and not mine.
Saying NO is OK
I had to protect my energy and sometimes that meant saying no to a crowd or declining an invitation. It’s not an easy thing to do if all we’ve known is to please others and put them first or always be in their company.
One of the hardest but rewarding things I did was learning to love my company, yes being alone with myself and my thoughts. This was scary at times but remember being alone doesn’t mean being lonely and the realisation of this thought empowered me to such a great degree.
So when I truly decided that I was focussing on myself and what I really wanted, sometimes all I had was my journal, the quietness and my thoughts. I became best friends with the journals and today when I read back on them I realise that my growth has come not only through social interactions but mostly through my moments of solitude.
Growth in the silence
These moments taught me to stay still in the moment and observe, to learn patience whilst I waited for things to happen and to know how to engage myself in activities that will grow me or just for fun.
Through these moments I have learnt to hold space for me and also understand when others need space. See sometimes we just need to be alone and that is ok. Being alone doesn’t mean anything is wrong with us or with our lives.
We need the alone time and space to do soul searching, recover, rest or even just the mere act of being. This however, might seem strange to others when we make this intention clear to them for us wanting to be alone, trust that it is not strange and we are not awkward, it is necessary for our own well-being and happiness.
Oh and no matter what or who, we definitely do not need to apologise for taking this time for ourselves because our holistic wellbeing depends on this and being human means we cannot keep pouring from an empty cup.
So as we start a new week I would like to encourage you to first and foremost be compassionate to yourself throughout the week and hold space for yourself. Take those needed breaks and be mindful of your emotional and physical well-being. I would love to know your thoughts on this so let me know in the comments how you are creating space for yourself or intending to.
Have a great week ahead.
This week on the blog you can learn more about prioritising your self-care here.
Prioritizing Self-Worth: A Comprehensive Guide To Self-Care For Women
Self-care has become an increasingly popular concept in recent years, and for good reason. As women, it is all too easy to neglect our own well-being while prioritising the needs of others.
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