The Power of Understanding Self-Worth
Exploring the Difference Between Self-Worth and Self-Esteem.
In the last 16 weeks we have explored and studied one of my favourite literatures in personal development when it comes to the mind and abundance- The Science of getting rich which is the foundation book behind the popular movie:The secret by Rhonda Byrne. As I have incredibly enjoyed sharing my take aways from this book with you, I could not help always going back to the root of being able to accept and enjoy these principles, which is knowing and accepting that we are worthy of the things and desires we seek. This brings me also to the heart of my work as a transformational life coach helping my clients know, accept and respect their worth.
In my journey of personal development and self-improvement, one concept that has taken center stage is "self-worth." I remember back when I was being coached and my coach asked me -
“ how do you show yourself love?” Instantly replied
“I buy myself something I need.” She looked at me and smiled and asked again -
“how do you really show yourself love?”
At this point I was getting frustrated because this was how I knew or thought was the best way to “show myself love”.
Then she asked, “do you respect yourself?”
Now I wasn’t just frustrated I was sad and offended of course I respected myself why would she think I didn’t, I thought. At the end of the session, I was given some resources to read and as I read these I could then see why she asked those questions. The whole time she was digging to find my sense of Self-Worth but what exactly is self-worth, and why is it so vital in our pursuit of development and fulfilment? I will love to delve into the essence of self-worth, its significance in personal development, and the fascinating difference between self-worth and self-esteem.
Defining Self-Worth
Self-worth, at its core is our intrinsic belief in our own value and worthiness. It's the foundation of self-acceptance and self-love. Understanding our self-worth means acknowledging that we are inherently valuable as a person, irrespective of our race, gender, achievements, appearance, or the opinions of others. It's about embracing our quirkiness, all the things that make us different and unique; and acknowledging our right to be here. I keep on reminding myself everyday, I am blessed with life that my part in life’s big puzzle is not done yet and if I am here alive and healthy I need to show up as I matter.
The Significance of Self-Worth
Self-worth is a cornerstone of personal development. When I realised this truth everything changed for me. The one word that I needed in order to grow and learn to love was boundaries. Though it is a challenge to master this plays one important role, when it comes to knowing our worth. It impacts virtually every aspect of our lives, from our mental and emotional well-being to the quality of our relationships. Research shows that individuals with a strong sense of self-worth tend to have lower levels of stress, higher resilience, and greater life satisfaction. They are also more likely to set healthy boundaries and make choices that align with their values.
Boundaries were my greatest challenge because I literally had none when it came to relationships, be it with colleagues, friends or romantic partners. Yes that’s true I let people walk all over me because I thought the only way to be loved and accepted was to say yes to everything, even if I didn’t have the capacity. I gave too much of myself to everybody else but me, I was the type that will always be the first to volunteer for a project, I would drop everything to help friends even to a point where I loved too much. Yup there is such a thing. I would accept being treated unfairly or talked to anyhow without standing up for myself because I didn’t want the other party to be upset.
So, when my coach, during a session asked me why I did the things I did and gave so much of myself to others without doing the same for me, I couldn’t answer. I broke down in tears and for so many reasons. How could I not have seen what I was doing to me? When did it become ok to disrespect myself by allowing others to disrespect me? When and where in the bible did God write that I was a second class citizen? This realisation made me be sad and angry, I went through the stages of grief with myself because all along when I was blaming people and circumstances for my experiences, it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. I made it a mission the to relearn my worth, learning to set healthy boundaries and put myself first. It was and sometimes is a challenge but I sought help from every reliable resource I could lay my hands on from the bible - yes I picked out about 5 bible verses that spoke about my worth and affirmed it day and night. I read books like You can heal your life by Louise Hay, discovered and invented my own “Finding what you love (self-love practices)” theory. Leave a comment, visit the resources sides of my website or send me a note if you want that. I took control of my situation and then slowly saw my self esteem grow as I developed a better relationship to myself.
Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
Though we might think self-worth and self-esteem are the same thing, they actually aren’t the same. Self-esteem is more about evaluating our competencies, abilities, and accomplishments. It can fluctuate based on our performance or the feedback we receive from others. In contrast, self-worth is about recognising our innate value as a human being, regardless. It's having a deep sense of self-acceptance.
The Interplay Between Self-Worth and Self-Esteem
As self-worth and self-esteem are interconnected it will be appropriate to touch on this relationship. Having a strong sense of self-worth can positively impact our self-esteem. When we deeply accept ourselves and acknowledge our worth, our self-esteem tends to be more stable. It's less influenced by external validation or criticism. In other words, self-worth provides the solid foundation upon which self-esteem can thrive. I noticed this in me when I started doing the work. The very first time I set a healthy boundary and didn’t feel bad or the need to apologise was a breakthrough. I later saw myself saying yes to the things that were aligned with my values thus prioritising my wellbeing and that left me feeling mentally and physically good. I was able to set more boundaries that put me in a place respect especially from myself. I started setting better goals and achieving them rather than following that of others’. This journey to relearning our self worth isn’t an easy or overnight process but with small consistent activities we can regain a greater sense of self and awareness and so here are a few tips to kick this journey off.
Practical Tips for Cultivating Self-Worth
So, how can we nurture or relearn our self worth, is a question I get quite often and here are some practical tips to get us started:
Learning to be mindful of our self talk - what do we normally say to ourselves when we mess up or even when given a compliment? Try to be aware of this and replace the negative words with positive ones. Think of your inner self talk as a conversation between you and a little child or loved one. Would you say mean things to them? I bet not so why say those things to yourself?
Learn to set healthy boundaries. Saying NO is a whole sentence and an answer in and of itself. Healthy boundaries goes beyond setting it with others it also applies to ourselves as in what we will allow and tolerate.One rule my sister and I use is - if it’s not a hell Yes! Then it’s a definite No!
Choose to indulge in activities that align with your values that which brings you joy and a sense of accomplishment. This might be a challenge but it is doable. We can’t always do things that please us but we can set some time aside to do things by ourselves that brings us joy. Be it a a short walk alone, a little dance by yourself to your favourite music or whatever activity that is yours and you find fun. The power behind this is it’s something you enjoy and by setting time aside to do it you are making it and you a priority to in your life.
Be self compassionate. This is a big one especially when it comes to showing ourselves compassion. We can easily do this for others but we tend to be very hard on ourselves without showing the grace we need during our different challenges. Our self talk, our mental and physical wellbeing should all be dealt with compassionately because no matter what the external portrays if we are not and do not treat ourselves as we want to be treated we won’t know how good or if what we receive from others is good and worthy of us.
Now rounding up, our self-worth stands as a guiding light to our personal development journey. It's our deep, unwavering belief that we are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. Understanding the distinction between self-worth and self-esteem can pave the way for a more fulfilling and empowered life. Therefore as we embark on this journey, let’s remember that our self-worth is the root from which our belief in our selves and self-esteem grows, let’s embrace our selves exactly as we are, acknowledging our worth and nurture it, because to reach the places and have the things we desire we will have to believe we are worth it.
Journal Prompt: How do I view myself and my imperfections, and how can I embrace self-acceptance?
Images:Dakota Corbin, Annie Spratt, De'Andre Bush, Tim Mossholder, Natalia Y.
About Me:
Sheila Daisy is a Transformational Self-Worth coach with a passion for personal development and well-being. Having worked with great mentors like Bob Proctor I have helped countless women on their journey to understanding self-worth and achieving personal growth.