Consciuos Surrender Beyond the Sunk Cost

Part 2 of The 6-Letter Series That Transformed My Inner Dialogue (And Can Transform Yours)

Letter #2: Letting go - Empty hands, Full heart

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Hello and welcome to the Self-Worth Journal, I am Sheila Daisy a daughter of two cultures and a Self-worth and Self Acceptance advocate. I write about my personal experiences with both of these concepts and how I have been able to build and nurture my self-worth. It is my hope that you will not only enjoy but find real value in my writing. Enjoy!

Happy new week dear friend!

In last week’s article, I shared my experience with self-forgiveness which was the one critical step I took in my healing journey. When I was writing the letter of forgiveness I had other thoughts and emotions come up which I knew I had been holding on to for far too long.

I was happy I had decided to forgive myself but there were still things that still boggled me. I don’t know if you’ve experienced such heaviness before but there’s a particular feeling I want to describe to you— a type of heaviness that not only sits on the heart but in your energy and even expression.

The heaviness that comes from many years of holding onto things you thought served you and a version of yourself you thought everyone should like, not because you want to but because it was a means of survival and the only way you knew. I had been crying this heaviness and after my letter of forgiveness, I knew I had to put this load down.

I gave myself a break and went for a long walk, it normally is my meditative walk but today it was my thinking walk, I started using the trees I passed by as events, situations and people I needed to let go of.

The walk was longer than expected but when I was done had the best feeling - a sensation of setting down a heavy burden I’d carried for so long that my shoulders had forgotten I could stand straight. This is what letting go felt like, and it changed everything for me.

The Art of Necessary Abandonment

The things I let go of were more symbolic than just a relief, I decided to do away with material things given to people who were no longer or I didn't want them to be a part of my life anymore.

Funny how I used to think that strength meant holding on—to relationships long past their expiration date, to material things that came to me as part of the relationships, to expectations that squeezed the joy from my achievements to versions of myself I had outgrown but was afraid to release.

These were the things I needed to let go of and even though my bookshelves bent under the weight of different self-help books, none could do the work of letting go for me but myself.

Like my self-love expedition on the internet, I dove into how to let go of things, there were many suggestions that gave me a better understanding of why letting go was the next best thing to do for my well-being.

A 2018 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that our inability to release what no longer serves us—termed "psychological sunk cost fallacy"—is one of the most significant barriers to personal growth and happiness. We cling to situations and beliefs not because they benefit us, but because we've already invested so much in them.

I was the living embodiment of this research so, being a lover of the power of writing I put pen to paper and I took it a step further as I resonated a lot with ones that helped me understand the spiritual aspect of letting go as well.

My Turning Point

My awakening when I sat down to write, came unexpectedly. I remember I had a box I called - My Feel Good Box - where I put most memorable gifts or keepsakes. In that box were notes, photos and small gifts from both partners and friendships that had ended years before but still held emotional power over me. These were part of the physical representations of what I couldn't release.

That night, I decided to write a letter—not to my ex or old friends, but to God and the Universe about these objects and what they represented:

I found this scripture which helped me connect the logical aspect of my decision with my spiritual side.

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

Dear God,

I think it’s time to put down this load. The load of expectations, of disappointments, of broken promises and of pretences. I am tired of holding on to the idea of being liked by everyone I come across. I am tired of trying to shape myself into a thousand different versions just to please every passing face. I've learned that universal approval is not only impossible but unnecessary.

I am tired of all the expectations from friends, family and society and ready to let it all go and release what is no longer adding value to my life.

To past relationships - I let go of the idea of us. Those beautiful, broken pieces of what could have been, what should have been, what never truly was. I’ve held onto that imagined future for so long, letting it cloud my present. Now I see that sometimes real love means release, not control.

To old friendships - I let go of the ME people wanted me to be. The carefully constructed persona that was built on expectations and "shoulds" rather than my own authenticity. I abandon this exhausting performance and embrace the beautiful complexity of who I actually am—flawed, quirky, evolving, and real.

To the old version of me - I let go of blaming myself. That endless loop of "if only" and "I should have" that has kept me chained to the past. I have forgiven myself for mistakes, for naivety, for moments of weakness and I recognise that guilt and shame are poor teachers, and compassion is the better guide.

To holding others responsible - I let go of blaming others. The resentments I carry have become weights that only I can feel and I understand that holding others accountable for my peace is surrendering my power to them. Their actions were never mine to control—only my responses are.

To material things that connect us - I let go of things, gifts and events that are no longer serving me. I honour what was, express gratitude for lessons learned, and then open my hands to release what no longer belongs in my new story because some chapters must end for others to begin.

To societal norms - I let go of societal expectations. Those invisible scripts that dictate how I should live, love, succeed, and even fail. I hereby stop measuring my life against standardised milestones and timelines. For where I need to be in life at this particular time in my life. I am not where I want to be but I am on my way, so I embrace my own rhythm and my own definition of a life well-lived.

I take consolation in the fact that in letting go, I am not losing but gaining space. Space to experience the right kind of love. Space for joy to enter unexpectedly. Space for authentic connections. Space for growth in directions I hadn't planned. Space to breathe deeply and fully inhabit my life. There is a saying that nature abhors vacuum and so as I release I now make room for what is in alignment with my truth and my worth. I am excited to experience all these, so thank you for the nudge and enlightenment to let go.

Yours,

After writing this letter, I performed a small ritual of release, safely burning the letter and some of the momentos that could be burnt and throwing away those that couldn’t.

The lightness I felt afterwards wasn't just emotional—I physically felt lighter and could relax my shoulders as though I had put my squatting weights back on the rack.

I have learnt that the art of letting go isn't about abandonment; it's about discernment. It's recognising what deserves your energy and what depletes it without return. It's understanding that sometimes the greatest act of love—for yourself and others—is release. So, I continue to practice this sacred surrender, this incredible abandonment of what weighs me down. In the letting go, I have created space for freedom, peace and joy.

The Science of Letting Go

Neurologically, letting go activates our parasympathetic nervous system—the "rest and digest" mode that counteracts stress responses. Research shows that consciously releasing what doesn't serve us reduces cortisol levels and inflammation throughout the body.

If you are in the least interested in health you know that inflammation in the body is the root of many ailments so this knowledge alone was enough to make me rethink what my holding onto things was doing to me.

More fascinating still, studies using fMRI scans reveal that the practice of intentional letting go strengthens our neural connections between our prefrontal cortex (rational thinking) and limbic system (emotional processing) which essentially helps build the brain's ability to process emotion without being overwhelmed by it.

Coming to the realisation that both science and spirituality support the act of letting go, helped me see the importance of what it was I was doing for my healing. So, in light of this, I would like to share some steps I used, with you if you are interested in creating the space for more beautiful things to come in.

How to Begin Your Own Release Practice

Whatever you’re holding onto that no longer serves your growth, can be let go by first acknowledging and practicing,

1. Identify what needs releasing: Make a list of relationships, beliefs, habits, gifts, or expectations that drain more energy than they give. Be specific.

2. Write a release letter: Address what you're letting go as if it were a person. Acknowledge its former purpose and explain why it's time to part ways.

3. Create a meaningful ritual: Whether it's safely burning your letter, burying it, or flowing it down a stream, physical acts of release help your mind process the letting go.

4. Practice empty space: Resist the urge to immediately fill the void left by what you've released. Sit with the emptiness—it's fertile ground for what's meant to come next.

5. Use body-based release practices: Techniques like progressive muscle relaxation, where you tense and then consciously release each muscle group, teach your body what letting go feels like. Mine was jumping up and down with my arms hanging loosely shaking my arms.

Resources That Facilitated My Release

These resources were instrumental in my letting-go journey:

• The Life-Changing Magic of Letting Go by Fumio Sasaki: Goes beyond physical decluttering to emotional and psychological release.

• The Letter to Me Method: A practice I have come to adopt for identifying and releasing limiting emotions and beliefs.

• Yoga Nidra guided relaxation: Particularly the recordings by Richard Miller, which include specific letting-go visualizations.

• Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud: Helped me understand that endings aren't failures but essential parts of growth.

The Ongoing Practice

Letting go is a way of moving through life with less load, on your mind, your heart and your body. I still catch myself clinging sometimes—to outcomes, to impressions I want to make, to take control in situations where surrender would serve better but when I notice this happening, I pause and ask, "Is holding on to this serving my well-being in any way this moment?”

Usually, I find that the answer is no and so I practice letting go again. And again.

What I've discovered is that hands that release what weighs them down become available to receive what brings them joy. The space I've created by letting go has filled me with love, opportunities, relationships, and versions of myself I couldn't have imagined when my fists were tightly clenched around the past.

As we start a new week I would like to encourage you that if you're currently standing at the edge of a necessary release, I see you, I feel and I know it seems scary but the reward is worth it. You are not losing but actually creating the space to gain and know that the emptiness you fear is actually fullness waiting to be discovered.

I would like to leave you with this to ponder: What are you holding onto right now that may be holding you back? What's one small step you could take toward releasing it this week?

Thank you for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts, perspectives and experiences so please do share them in the comments. If you also know someone who might resonate, please do share this with them.

Have a great week ahead.

Love & light

Sheila Daisy