Dear Self - Permission to Heal

The 6-Letter Series That Transformed My Inner Dialogue (And Can Transform Yours)

Letter #1 : Self-Forgiveness: My Letter to the Past That Freed My Future

Happy new week dear friend!

Hello and welcome to the Self-Worth Journal, I am Sheila Daisy a daughter of two cultures and a Self-worth and Self Acceptance advocate. I write about my personal experiences with both of these concepts and how I have been able to build and nurture my self-worth. It is my hope that you will not only enjoy but find real value in my writing. Enjoy!

A couple of weeks ago as I revisited my journals after a conversation with a friend I found one of my most impactful techniques which I used in working on and with myself. I love writing - the reason why I am on Substack, and writing aka journaling, has been a huge tool for me for a very long time when I’ve had to work through challenges.

When I decided to embark on my rediscovery journey my coach gifted me a journal which for the first 3 months became my very best friend. Flipping through the pages I came across letters I wrote to myself in different stages of my journey.

These are quite personal but I think it will be a great way to break the ice, especially for the many of you who have decided to join me on this writing journey. This is a 6 part series and in the coming weeks, I will explore one theme every week as a tribute to the woman I have become.

The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. The minute you forgive yourself, you're free." - Oprah Winfrey

Dear Me,

Today, I choose to forgive us for the times we rejected and neglected our own needs, worth, and well-being. For too long, we've carried the weight of our own disrespect and dislike, and it's time to set that burden down.

I forgive us for the times we neglected the cries of our soul as we smiled and said yes even though we were hurting inside.

I forgive us for the moments we silenced our own voice because we feared judgment.

I forgive us for the times we put everyone else first until nothing remained for us.

I forgive us for believing we weren't enough and for apologising for the space we occupy in this world.

I forgive us for giving others the power to disrespect and discourage us.

I forgive us for the boundaries we didn't set.

I forgive us for believing we were unworthy of love, respect, and kindness—especially from us.

I understand why we did these things. We were trying to survive, to be loved, to belong. We did this to be heard, seen and listened to. We did the best we could and knew how to with the tools we had at the time. Those patterns of self-rejection were never truly about a testimony of our worth—they were protective mechanisms we developed along the way because we thought that was the only way. It wasn’t and it’s ok because now we know better.

Right now I want us to know - we deserve the same compassion we so readily offer others. Our needs matter. Our voice matters. Our presence in this world matters, not because of what we accomplish or how we serve others, but simply because WE exist.

From this day forward, I promise to listen when we speak, to honour our boundaries, to celebrate our strengths and embrace our imperfections. I promise to treat us with the love, kindness and respect we've always deserved. I cannot always protect us from what others might do but I promise to always pay attention and let us know that:

I see us

I hear us

I feel us.

Lastly, know that we are not defined by past neglect—whether from others or us. We are defined by our courage to begin again, to choose self-love today despite yesterday's patterns.

I forgive you - me. I accept you - me. I choose you - me.

With love and compassion,

Your higher self, Lady A.

I remember sitting at my desk, pen in hand, tears streaming down my face as I wrote my first letter of forgiveness. Not to someone else—but to myself, this moment marked the beginning of my journey from self-neglect to self-worth, and I want to share it with you because perhaps you're where I once was: trapped in a prison built by your own unforgiving thoughts.

The Weight I Carried

For years, I carried the weight of my past mistakes and traumas like a badge of honour. Somehow not willing to let them go but these were hindering my progress in a lot of ways. Each memory of— "I should have" or "If only I'd"—added another layer until I was drowning in regret.

I had tried many manifestation techniques to manifest love, wealth, like-minded friends etc. but I couldn’t seem to succeed. Then one day, I came across a quote - can’t remember where - that read “To manifest your desires you’ve got to see and feel yourself worthy of them. ” I wasn’t feeling worthy in any way and I also knew I had so much anger in me.

Anger at the people I’d let have power over me and my sense of worth and anger at myself. This load was heavy but the worst of the two was the anger I carried towards myself because if I didn’t know how to love and appreciate myself, I wouldn’t be able to receive love from others and I couldn’t love and appreciate others in a healthy way. This revelation brought me to writing letters - ones I never posted - to all the people and myself, whom I believe I needed to forgive.

The Letter That Changed Everything

My coach suggested I write a letter to myself—not the present me, but the me who made those mistakes, who believed she wasn't enough, who thought she deserved the pain she carried. What good would writing to myself do? But desperate for relief, I finally sat down and began:

"To the me who believed she deserved less,

Dear me…..

The words poured out in ways I never expected, by the end, I was crying—not from pain, but from release.

The Science Behind Forgiveness

What I didn't understand then was the neurological impact of this practice. Research published in the Journal of Positive Psychology reveals that self-forgiveness activates areas of the brain associated with empathy, compassion, and emotional regulation. When we forgive ourselves, we literally rewire our neural pathways.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion and one of my favourite resources in this journey, explains that forgiveness breaks the cycle of rumination—that endless loop of negative thoughts that keeps us stuck in the past. I believe this is why I felt lighter after writing my letter because I had broken a cycle that had been running for years.

Today, as I sit and write, revisiting my letter, I am greatly moved again to see how far I’ve come. Deciding to forgive myself and others was my very first step to healing my life of past traumas. It was daunting and almost felt pointless but I believe in the spiritual aspect of releasing so I did it.

I then proceeded to write subsequent letters on 5 other themes including - letting go of what doesn't serve me, self-compassion, joy, self-love and gratitude, which were phases I needed to confront. The power and impact of these one-sided communications, in my self-worth rediscovery journey, have been life-changing for me and I am grateful for the nudge that led me to this practice.

Steps to Begin Your Forgiveness Journey

I’ve realised self-forgiveness is the foundation of many of life’s healing paths so if my words resonate with you, here's how you might begin your own forgiveness practice:

1. Create a safe space: Choose a quiet time and place where you won't be interrupted. By the way, remember to bring tissues—tears are healing and welcome.

2. Start with acknowledgement: Begin your letter by acknowledging the pain you've been carrying. Name it specifically - mine were rejection and neglect.

3. Speak to yourself with compassion: Write to yourself as you would to a dear one who has made mistakes.

4. Remember context: Consider what was happening in your life when you made choices you now regret. Understand that you were doing the best you could with the awareness you had then.

5. Express forgiveness explicitly: Use the words "I forgive you" directly. These words have power and your subconscious mind connects when you use them.

6. Make commitments for the future: End your letter with promises to yourself about how you'll treat yourself going forward.

Resources That Helped Me

These resources were transformative in my forgiveness journey:

• Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping: This book reframed how I understood forgiveness as a path to freedom rather than excusing my behaviour.

• The Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff: Practical exercises that helped me develop the compassion needed for true forgiveness.

• Forgiveness meditation by Tara Brach: Available free on her website, or on Inside Timer, this guided meditation gently leads you through the forgiveness process.

• The Gift of Imperfection by Brené Brown: Helped me understand that my imperfections didn't diminish my worthiness.

The Ongoing Journey

Self-forgiveness has been an ongoing practice for me and every now and then I find myself needing to release an emotion or thought because there are still days when I catch myself slipping back into old patterns of self-judgment. When this happens, I return to letter writing.

Sometimes they're just brief notes—"I forgive us for going back to those thoughts again, today"—but they bring me back to compassion.

In all this, I can wholeheartedly say that the most beautiful discovery I've made is that as I've learned to forgive myself, I've become more capable of forgiving others. My relationships have deepened and my capacity for acceptance and joy have expanded. The space that was once filled with disrespect now holds acceptance and unconditional love.

As we start a new week I just want to encourage you, wherever you are on this journey, to know that forgiveness isn't about erasing the past but rather about being brave to face the things you hold onto, accepting them as they are and compassionately creating space for a different future. If this is something you want to explore here is a root to start you off.

Journal Prompt: What would you write in a forgiveness letter to yourself today? What specifically do you need to forgive?

Thank you for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts, perspectives and experiences so please do share them in the comments. If you also know someone who might resonate, please do share this with them.

Wishing you a beautiful week ahead.

Love & light

Sheila Daisy