When You Realize You’ve Been Drifting

The Quiet Ways We Neglect Ourselves And How To Return To Self With Softness, Not Shame

Happy new week dear friends!

Hello and welcome to the Self-Worth Journal, I am Sheila Daisy a daughter of two cultures and Self-worth and Self Acceptance advocate. I write about my personal experiences with both of these concepts and how I have been able to build and nurture my self-worth. It is my hope that you will not only enjoy but find real value in my writing. Enjoy!

Noticing the Drift

The other day I caught myself overthinking and worrying myself sick because I am in a phase of waiting at the moment and the thought of not knowing the outcome has got me falling back into old behaviours. After hours of not eating but busying myself with all sorts, I realised that I had been neglecting myself and what my body was trying to tell me.

This made me think about how self-neglect can manifest in subtle but duty-filled forms, some days, self-neglect doesn’t look dramatic nor is it a not a full-blown breakdown. But it can look like skipping breakfast because you’re too busy. Or brushing aside that knot of anxiety in your chest because you think you’re fine. It can also look like pouring your presence and energy into others while quietly leaving yourself behind.

That’s the sneaky part — self-neglect most often wears the costume of functionality making us believe we are doing what needs to be done. Like showing up for others and things even when deep down, we’d much rather not. There was a period in my life when I’d go whole days without really hearing my own voice that inner voice that tells me when I’m hungry or tired or when I need to pause, was it just silent or had I just stopped listening?

On the outside I was doing a good job at hiding what was going on on the inside and to anyone else, I looked fine. I was “functioning,” even thriving by most standards because I was getting things done, showing up for people, and saying “yes” to every need around me. But deep inside, I was quietly falling apart, I was depleted and couldn’t pour more out into others because my cup was empty.

There have been many times I have been in these situations and apart from neglecting my own needs, I knew from a spiritual standpoint that nothing I did brought blessings because my actions were not from a place of joy but of duty and necessity and ignoring my soul’s cry was me slowly drifting away from myself.

The Drift Is Quiet — Until It Isn’t

This is the thing about self-neglect - it rarely shows up flamboyantly with flashing red lights, it disguises itself in normalcy, and for a while, I mistook that silence, that numbness, as strength and independence, until I couldn’t anymore.

Self-neglect doesn’t always mean crisis, sometimes it’s the skipped exercise because I needed to answer emails first. Or forgetting to do a gratitude ritual before bed because I’m too exhausted after serving all others to spend the 5 minutes on my well-being.

So, when I caught myself jumping from one task to the other in the hopes of hurrying time up, I had to ask myself - why am I pushing myself so hard and what good will wishing the time away do?

Answer - I was trying not to feel the void and to rush to the outcome, but this was at the cost of my well-being. I am getting impatient and stressed by all the things I have to do but this need not be the case because I have the power to stop and sit with myself.

Dr. Kristin Neff, who’s done groundbreaking work on self-compassion, explains that when we push ourselves past our limits without care, our nervous system interprets it as a threat. Chronic stress floods the body with cortisol, weakens the immune system, and shortens our patience — not just with others, but with ourselves.

How I Learned to Return (And Still Am)

Coming back to myself never happens in one sweeping moment of clarity but it’s always in the little nudges that I get from listening to my needs and my body and going back to the tools I have learnt to use in dealing with my emotions and thoughts. I started with these small steps which have been life-saving in my return to myself

Naming It Without Shame

I started saying it out loud: “I’ve been neglecting myself.” I’d whisper it in front of the mirror and ask myself - inner child - what can I do to make you feel better today? I’d then write it in my journal whatever came up. Naming what I had noticed meant that I was showing accountability to myself and my self-acceptance journey.

Neuroscience shows that naming what we feel engages our prefrontal cortex — the seat of reason, regulation, and choice. When we name our pain, we begin to minimise its impact.

For me, saying the words and asking what I could do to make things better was like having a conversation with a dear friend, this helped me stop neglecting the voice of reason that alerted me when I was off-track.

Creating Micro-Rituals of Reconnection

Some nights, I start my bedtime ritual by lighting a candle before bed, not for any reason except to say, -This day deserves softness.

Some days, I’ll put on a song I haven’t heard in a long time and dance in my kitchen while I make dinner. These things I do aren’t grand gestures but they are small practices I do to remind myself: You are still here, you are still loved and you are still worthy.

Research shows that sensory rituals — scent, sound, touch — soothe the nervous system and help us re-inhabit our bodies. They remind us of pleasure, safety, and presence.

Return to the Check-In Page

I made a habit of checking in with myself at the end of the day and asking: What I am feeling today? What has been the highlight and lesson learnt of my day? Sometimes my answers to these questions surprise me but they also show me what I need to pay attention to or celebrate.

According to research, intentional self-monitoring — like journaling or check-ins — improves emotional regulation and decision-making.

Speaking to Yourself Softly

Mirror work has been a great one for me and I normally look myself in the mirror while affirming or talking to myself.

I do this especially, on the days I feel less of myself, the days when I feel like I’ve messed everything up like missed too many workouts, eaten too much sugar, ignored too many messages — I look at myself in the mirror and say something in the lines of - it’s ok not to be on top all the time, we are ok not to have it all figured out and we are still loveable.

Self-talk has been known to shape brain patterns, MRI studies show that this kind of internal, dialogue activates regions associated with reward and motivation. In short, our brain is listening when we speak so let’s speak like someone who’s rooting for us.

Setting One Loving Boundary at a Time

Learning to say “no” without having to explain myself has been liberating but not easy, especially for the people pleaser that I was. Saying “no” was the hardest of all my rituals for me, it felt like letting people down or hurting their feelings. But I remember a conversation with my coach once where she asked why I felt the need to justify my “nos” with an explanation.

I actually didn’t know I just knew that when I gave more information it might help them understand better but it actually portrayed me as insecure and not confident in my decisions.

So, I was challenged to start small and I started with one: saying “no” to a colleague when they asked me to join in an event that I knew would just drain me. I politely declined and tried my best not to explain myself.

Then setting the boundary of not taking calls during my morning or evening routines. My initial thoughts were what if the person is in trouble or gets angry but I coached myself to accept this reason - if they get angry because I set the boundary then it’s more reason for me to set it.

Brené Brown says boundaries are the foundation of self-respect. For me, they became a way of saying: I am worth protecting and my energy is worth respecting and I carry this with me now all the time.

The Return Is the Practice

There are still days when I lose myself again — when I slip into productivity mode and forget to eat, ignore my fatigue, or feel the silent threads of disconnection creeping in.

However, I now know what it feels like, I know the signs and I know how to come back. I have learnt self-worth isn’t about being perfect but rather about being present with myself, learning to listen and accept myself. It is about catching myself in the moment when I am being too hard on myself and extending grace and compassion to the person who is me and whatever I am going through.

Every time we catch ourselves in the drift and choose to return, we not only build trust but we create space for love, compassion and respect. This is not just felt by ourselves but also by others because we become the kind of person we and they can count on.

Your Invitation To Come Back

So my friend, if you’re in the drift, this is your invitation

Not to overhaul your life.
Not to start over.
Just to pause.

Place one hand on your heart. Feel your breath. Ask gently: What do I need right now?

Then offer yourself one act of care — no matter how small.

So my friend, if you’re in the drift, this is your invitation

Not to overhaul your life.
Not to start over.

Just to pause.

Place one hand on your heart. Feel your breath. Ask gently: What do I need right now?

Then offer yourself one act of care — no matter how small.

This is not selfish.
That’s sacred.

You’re not failing.

You’re listening.
You’re remembering.
You’re returning.

And that’s enough. You are enough. We are all enough exactly as we are.

And that’s enough. You are enough. We are all enough exactly as we are.

The Gentle Wrap-Up - Coming Home, Again and Again

As we start a new week I just want to share a gentle reminder that cultivating our self-worth isn't something we arrive at once — it's something we return to, breath by breath, choice by choice.

There are days when practising this is hard and that is ok just remember to be patient and kind to yourself as you would be to a dear one. Because you as much as anyone else deserve love and kindness. So if you’ve drifted or are drifting know that you’re not failing, simply choose to come back yourself again.

Reflection Prompt:
Where have I been drifting from myself lately? What is one loving, micro-way I can return to today?

Love & Light

Sheila Daisy

Thank you for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts, perspectives and experiences so please do share them in the comments. If you also know someone who might resonate, please do share this with them.