Would I Still Say Yes If I Loved Myself?

What Self-Worth Sounds Like in Everyday Decisions

Hello and welcome to the Self-Worth Journal, I am Sheila Daisy a daughter of two cultures and Self-worth and Self Acceptance advocate. I write about my personal experiences with both of these concepts and how I have been able to build and nurture my self-worth. It is my hope that you will not only enjoy but find real value in my writing. Enjoy!

Happy new week dear friends!

My self-worth journey has been anything but pretty or grand, and learning to appreciate myself didn’t happen all of a sudden. It was quieter, a slow transformation that started with small, seemingly insignificant choices — the kind we all make dozens of times a day. It began when I started asking myself: What would this decision sound like if it came from a place of self-worth?

When I started this journey, I used to think self-worth was something you felt during the big moments—landing a dream job, receiving praise, or achieving a major goal, but I was wrong.

Appreciating my self-worth wasn't just in the big victories; it lived in the quiet moments when I was deciding whether to have that fourth cup of coffee, when I was running five minutes late, or when was choosing what to wear on a random Tuesday.

Now that I look back I see that the real transformation in my journey toward self-acceptance didn't happen during a dramatic revelation, it happened when I started paying attention to the narrator in my head during the most mundane parts of my day.

The Day I Heard Myself Differently

I’d been running on fumes for weeks — client deadlines, personal obligations, and a business launch deadline that I needed to hit. I wasn’t resting as I was working long days and all week, I was exhausted but still pushing myself.

Then one Monday I could barely concentrate for more than 10 minutes behind my desk, I felt lightheaded so I excused myself to call my GP. I got an appointment and some tests were done, nothing serious from my test just chronic fatigue. I was told to take time off and rest but my immediate thought was I have all those deadlines to meet.

Then I remembered something my mum occasionally says when she needs us to take better care of ourselves - your body gives you warnings for care before something major happens. That was my cue. The old me had resurfaced but I paused and asked: Would I keep pushing myself to hit deadlines as exhausted as I am if I loved myself?

And the answer was no.

I didn't know then but that pause, that question, that decision — was love in action.

That moment of self-compassion in something as simple as putting myself first is part of what healthy self-worth sounds like in everyday life.

What Self-Worth Sounds Like in Real Life

I’ve come to learn that self-worth isn’t something we feel only in the quiet moments of reflection it is also what we hear in the way we speak to ourselves — and in the decisions we make, often when no one’s watching.

It sounds like:

• I don’t need to explain why I need rest.

• Their urgency doesn’t have to become my anxiety.

• I’m not lazy. I’m listening to my body.

• I deserve to feel safe, even if that means disappointing someone.

• Saying no isn’t rejection. It’s redirection.

The Science Behind Our Inner Voice

Research from Dr. Kristin Neff shows that self-compassion—treating ourselves with the same kindness we'd show a good friend—is actually more beneficial for motivation and resilience than self-criticism.

Her studies reveal that people with higher self-compassion have lower rates of anxiety and depression, and paradoxically, they're more likely to take responsibility for their mistakes because they're not afraid of being knocked down by self-judgment.

Also, research on neuroplasticity by Dr. Rick Hanson, shows how our brains literally rewire themselves when we repeatedly do something over a period of time. This reinforces the fact that every time we choose a compassionate inner voice over a critical one, we're strengthening neural pathways that make self-kindness more automatic.

Learning this helped me a lot in the sense that if I could change my brain by changing my inner dialogue or thoughts, then every small moment of kindness and grace shown to me was an opportunity for transformation.

What Self-Worth Actually Sounds Like

After years of intentionally listening to and working on reshaping my inner voice, I've discovered that healthy self-worth has a very specific sound. Here's what I've learned it sounds like in different everyday situations:

When Making Food Choices

Old voice: You shouldn't eat that. That is bad for you. Self-worth voice: I'm choosing what my body needs right now. Sometimes that's a salad, sometimes that's pizza, and both choices come from self-care.

When Setting Boundaries

Old voice: You’re disappointing them. They'll think you're selfish. Self-worth voice: My needs matter too. Saying no to this allows me to say yes to what truly serves me and others.

When Making Mistakes

Old voice: You can’t figure anything out. Everyone else has it figured out. Self-worth voice: I'm human, and humans learn through experience. This mistake is information, not a result of my worth.

Five Daily Practices That Transformed My Inner Dialogue

The Pause Practice

Before making any decision—big or small—I take a moment to think and ask: "What would I advise someone I deeply love in this situation?" This simple pause creates space between automatic self-judgement and conscious choice.

💡 Try this: Set three random phone alarms throughout your day. When they go off, simply notice what your inner voice has been saying for the past hour. No judgment—just awareness.

The Best Friend Filter

Whenever I catch myself in harsh self-talk, I imagine my best friend who’s also my sister, is experiencing the same situation. Then I think - what would I say to them? Then I give myself the same compassion.

Research backing: Dr. Mark Leary's studies at Duke University show that people who practice self-compassion have better emotional regulation and are more resilient in the face of setbacks.

The Values Check-In

I learned to ask myself: Does this decision align with who I want to be, or am I choosing based on desperation, fear, shame, or what I think others expect?

💡 Try this: Write down your top 5 values. Keep them on your phone. Before major decisions, check: which choice honours these values?

The Growth Mindset Reframe

Instead of "I failed at this," I practice saying "I haven't learned this yet." This small shift acknowledges my capacity for growth rather than living a fixed identity.

Research backing: Carol Dweck's decades of research on growth mindset shows that people who believe abilities can be developed are more resilient and achieve better outcomes.

The Gratitude Bridge

When self-neglect starts spiralling, I name three things I'm grateful my body, mind, or spirit did for me that day. This redirects my attention from what's wrong to what's working.

The Knock-On Effect I Never Expected

When I started treating myself with more compassion in small moments, something unexpected happened, and my relationships especially with myself improved because I stopped being my own harshest critic.

I naturally then became less critical of others. When I started honouring my own needs, I became better at supporting others in honouring theirs.

Dr. Christopher Germer's research on mindful self-compassion shows that people who are kinder to themselves are actually more empathetic and supportive partners, friends, and colleagues. Well, that made me laugh because guess what? It turns out that self-love isn't selfish—it's the foundation for authentic connection with others.

There Will Be Dark Days

The truth is there are still days when my inner critic gets loud. When I'm stressed, tired, or facing something that triggers old wounds, that harsh voice can still dominate, but now I have tools, and more importantly, I have the awareness to notice when it's happening.

On the tough days, I practice what Dr. Tara Brach calls "RAIN":

• Recognize what's happening in my mind

• Allow the experience without trying to fix it immediately

• Investigate with kindness what I need right now

• Non-attachment to the outcome—I don't have to be perfect at self-compassion but I need to try.

We can never ever be completely healed - if we did then we would stop growing and developing. As humans or rather spiritual beings living human experiences the way for our souls to experience development and growth I believe is through the many experiences of hurt, disappointment, victory and need we go through. What we will always have are people, teachers or students who have walked a similar path so they can help us navigate our journeys.

Resources That Supported My Journey

📚 Books that changed my perspective:

• "Self-Compassion" by Dr. Kristin Neff

• "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach

• "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown

Apps that helped with daily practice:

• Insight Timer (free guided self-compassion meditations)

Online resources:

• Self-Compassion.org (Dr. Neff's guided exercises and research)

• The Centre for Mindful Self-Compassion (online courses and workshops)

The Small Voice That Changes Everything

Today, as I write this, I'm sitting comfortably on my couch taking it slower and listening more to my needs not because I have it all figured out but because I am much better at listening to the cues of my body and soul.

I am an advocate of Self-worth because the more I practise and nurture my self-worth and acceptance the more I realise this isn't a destination I am arriving at any time soon rather it is a practice I cultivate in a thousand small moments—in how I speak to myself when I spill coffee, in how I treat yourself when I am running late, in how I respond to my own humanity.

The most radical thing I've learned is this: since the person I will have the longest relationship with is myself, the voice in my head doesn't have to be my enemy. With practice, patience, and a lot of self-compassion, it can and has become my most loyal friend and cheerleader.

So as we start a new week can I encourage you to pay attention to what your inner voice is saying even now and again? Your inner voice is speaking to you right now as you read this. What is it saying? And more importantly, what would you like it to say?

This journey to self-acceptance and building our worth begins with a single moment of speaking to ourselves the way we would speak to someone we deeply love. That moment can be right now.

Let’s start the conversation - What does your inner voice sound like during everyday decisions? I'd love to hear about your journey with self-compassion in the comments below. Please remember, you're not alone in learning to love and accept yourself exactly as you are—we're all figuring this out individually and together.

Love & Light

Sheila Daisy

Thank you for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts, perspectives and experiences so please do share them in the comments. If you also know someone who might resonate, please do share this with them.